Red vs Blue vs Deadpool
by Jack Kings
Summary: I don't know, pick a better title. Deadpool is put on ice, cryogenically, and his capsule is being smuggled until the Freelancers kill the smugglers and take him in. Oh trust me, he'll meet the Reds and Blues. What a ride that'll be... (Taking a little hiatus. NOT abandoned)
1. Please read

**I own nothing mentioned in** **this!**

 **You know what's idiotic and funny but can be badass, have a depth of humanity, and deal with giving yourself a purpose as to why you're here? Oh, and curses a lot? Red vs Blue.**

 **You know** ** _Who's_** **idiotic and funny but can be badass, have a depth of humanity, and deal with giving yourself a purpose as to why he's not dead? Oh, and curses a lot? Deadpool.**

 **So, how is there NO CROSSOVER?! I mean, honestly, he fits in perfectly! How is there 0 to none stories with this idea? At least, at the time this is written, I hope there's more.**

 **Well, guess that's why I'm here. This story will be slightly AU(Alternate and author) and may have events from the movie, video games, and comic book appearances of Deadpool.**

 **I'm going to go for the DP that we love but also combine him with the comics and John Kassir performance, don't know who that is then look it up on YouTube, but also give a "tragedy behind the mask" thing to him.**

 **And some of you may say "That's not what Deadpool is about!". WRONG! Not enough comics, you have read. But, that's okay. I'm not expecting everyone or, worse yet, forcing anyone to know this as common knowledge. But if you're curious and want to know what I mean specifically than I suggest you watch "HOW THE DEADPOOL GAME GOT DEADPOOL ALL WRONG" It's a video on YouTube.**

 **I know the title sounds 'weapon bringing' worthy but the video is good and some may see a side to Deadpool which not a lot of people see all of the time.**

 **Because, as we've seen, The Reds and Blues can be serious. They can be emotional. And Deadpool has stated in the past that the reason he talks so much is not that he's insane...ok, he kind of is, but it's also to keep himself from going insane. Seriously, how am is this not more popular?**

 **If you decide to read, please keep in mind that I have my own life so I'll try to update when I can. But a long story like "Red vs Blue" is going to have a lot of thinking process put into it and Deadpool himself can be difficult to write properly. Add it to the fact that this is my first story here and oh boy. I'll probably have to rewatch "Red vs Blue" to do it but until then, we'll see what we can do.**

 **Well, here's to hoping it doesn't suck!**

It's going to suck.

 **Shut up!**


	2. What the sh-?

**I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees a potential for this story. I hope it's good enough.**

 _*click*_

 _"-Heavy rains coming-"_

"No."

 _*click*_

"No."

 _"-And we're going to the playoffs-"_

"No."

 _*click*_

 _"-we now return to-"_

"Don't care."

 _*click*_

 _"-My Little Po-"_

"Later."

 _*click*_

 _"-Everywhere you look-"_

"Hell no!"

 _*click*_

 _"-Avengers are on the scene now-"_

 _*click*_

Clickety click and more click. And now it's official: I'm bored. Nothing on TV, no contracts, no missions, no black ops, played all my games, and no one wants to hang out.

I suppose I could get up myself and see if Spider-Man's doing anything cool or if the X-Men have yet another member but I just get this feeling that they hate me. I don't know why but I do.

So, stuck in a fuckhole that no one wants to fuck between battling of boredom and actually doing something about this boredom...

...Yeah, nothing. Ugh, it's not easy being a merc.

I'm Wade Wilson, by the way. You know, "Merc with the Mouth", "Woo-Hoo of Woo-Hoos", yeah yeah, all that stuff. Sorry, if it wasn't obvious before. I honestly wish this introduction could have been a little better but lately, I've been feeling what is known as depression.

That thing you get where you feel more than just sad and you're trying your best to distract yourself with anything hoping it'll be gone by that time but end up making it worse and you get it, even more than before, resulting in you asking yourself questions like "What am I doing with my life?" "Does anyone care?" and, most recently, "Why am I here?"

...No, seriously, why am I here? I'm in a world with countless heroes and they don't need me. And when I do help them, it ends with them scolding me, calling me a lunatic, and making me feel like douche. Which is what I feel right now! "Well, if you feel that way, why don't you just kill yourself and let your body be shown on the internet and start a controversy?" First of all, nice hit. Second of all- actually, never mind. I'm sure you all know why that's a pointless option.

 _*click*_

I'm just sitting here contemplating my place in the universe in front of a TV, a crappy TV mind you, which...is turned off...

"Wait a second, _click?"_

 _*CRASH*_

 _*FFSSHHHH*_

OK, I'm up now! There's gas spreading the room. Yep, something's happening now! And that something is tear gas filling the room and I'm already coughing. Weird, it's supposed to take effect for about thirty seconds.

Hey, something's happening! Huh, ask and you shall receive-

*BASH*

"UGH!" a blow from to butt of a rifle to the back of your head that sends you to the floor...still something.

I've got my pistol in my hand so I could just-

*STOMP*

"ARGH!" watch as foot stomps on my wrist making me lose my gun! Goddammit! And now my hands are being tied behind my back.

"C'mon! The tear gas is making me itch!" They're not listening. "Okay. fine! Ignore me! Just so you know: one of you assholes are scratching for me!"

"Target secure." The guy, standing in front of me, says. Wonder just who is he talking to? I'd love to pay an equally unexpected visit in return. At least it's the thought that counts.

"Yes, sir." Oh boy, he's raising his foot. "Lights out, freak." He said, calmly.

"Well, that's not ni-"

*STOMP*

Everything's dark now. Well, I wanted something to happen so might as well see where this goes.

...

"...is ugly!..."

"He's waking up!"

"No, he's not."

There's a needle in my neck. Okay, going to sleep now...

...

"...sedative worked relatively..."

"...very dangerous-"

"And can be beneficial to our c-"

"He's waking up again!"

"Not again! Hand me the-"

"Done."

There it is again. And there I go again...

...

"...are not finished, though. We need more time to properly-Oh no! He's waking up!"

"What?! How is he doing this?"

"He's becoming immune to it. Soon, it won't work anymore. We have no choice. If it's to be completed, then we must-"

I'm opening my eyes, and it's a little blurry but it's familiar sight-

Oh, now it's two needles! Hmm, somebody's getting desperate...

...

"...He's waking up."

"Too late now. Begin the freezing process."

Freezing process?!

"W-what? No! NO! LET ME OUTTA HERE!". I'm feeling real frozen right now. This guy's true to his word. Well, in hindsight, struggling is pointless seeing as my hands are tied to bolted restraints(if that makes sense) but if I'm going down then I'll go with a joke. "I WON"T GO THE WAY OF CAPTAIN AMERICA!" "

"Good riddance." some dick said. I could swear I hear the smirk in his voice. Argh, I find someone to hate and now I CAN'T EVEN HURT HIM?!

"NNNOOOOOOOOO-"

...

-OOOOO! NO! NO! N- Oh, I think I'm getting consciousness back. Yep, the ice is melting. Wait, why do I feel heavier? Lemme look at me. Holy shit! I'm wearing armor! But I wasn't wearing it before, when did I get this? Looks very Iron-Man only...not. Hey, I'm still bolted down. Let's fix that.

"Hnh HIYA!" Yanked 'em right off! Very poor design choice to leave those bost easy to break. Then again, I couldn't do that before so maybe it's thanks to this armor.

"Hey! You doin' okay?"

I look up to see-

(OK, let me actually tell you what I saw. I saw colors attached to human-shaped people in armor just like mine. Three looked feminine. The colors I saw were tan, purple with some green, orchid with green, white, grey, brown, aqua, cyan, and white with a gold face. The gold head was the biggest out of all of them, three I could tell were girls and the rest were guys. Yeesh, tough crowd. Why am I describing right now? Because I just woke up from being a Captain America rip-off, saw their weapons at ready, and the first thing that came to my mind wasn't describing taking in their appearance. It was-)

"ROBOTS!" I screamed, taking out two pistols, which I didn't know I had, and just started shooting at them.

Naturally, they dodged out of the way and either took cover behind some stuff. I wasn't paying attention. There was a voice in my head saying "kill, kill, kill" and I couldn't help but listen to it.

"Woah, take it easy buddy!" The tan one said, crouching then getting up and then walking towards me, "We're not robots!"

I was about to shoot him but the cyan one kicked the gun out of my hand. Out of instinct, I took out my katanas, which were now future-y, and sliced at her and she began to dodge while the other gut joined in trying to disarm me but I took out my other sword and try to hit him too. They both jumped away to get some distance from me.

"Not robots, huh? That means you bleed. I can help with that."

To sum this up in three words: WHAT THE SHIT?!

 **Done. Hope that was good. I didn't think so. Writing in first person isn't something I do very often and I think it's rare to do it. So, who jumped Deadpool? Why is he wearing armor instead of spandex? Why are the Freelancers here and why is Deadpool attacking them? All of that and, hopefully, more! Next time!**

 **Alright, ciao!**


	3. Where to start?(Part 1)

OK, well, I think we can all agree that there have been worse ways to say "hello." I mean, seriously, it might awkward to think back to "How I Almost Killed Your Mother of Invention" in the future...

...No? Too obvious? Well, it takes someone who's bad at first impressions to spot a bad first impression. Not to mention bad at introducing him/herself.

Hey there, true believe-No! Not my line! Uh, okay, let see here, um...

Hell-O, I'm the disemboweled narrator. I narrate so you don't have to you don't have-Wait, technically, you're reading so...

Ah, screw it! Getting to the point: I'm not Deadpool and I'm, unfortunately, not Vic. I'm just your disemboweled space narrator; and, I'll be honest, I don't know if that's a thing but if it isn't then I guess I've made it a thing.

Now, some of you may have already imagined a voice to give me while you read, and that voice is most likely Ryan Reynolds, but while that's fitting it's also incredibly obvious. So, instead imagine the narration being done by Steve Blum. Why? Because of irony. If you don't know who that is and yet you're reading something Deadpool related than my solution: Google it, see what he's done, and you'll get a giggle.

So, with that out of the way, why is Deadpool fighting the Freelancers? Well, to answer that question, let's go back about...

 _One day ago..._

...

Yeah, I'd say that's far enough.

Okay, so The Director was standing on the observation deck watching his Freelancers train. Specifically, Agents York and North Dakota were going up against Carolina and South Dakota in a 2 on 2 lockdown paint match. Not to give anything away but the girls were winning. Well, mostly Carolina.

Then suddenly-

"Director, Agent Wyoming has a report which he wishes you to hear. He was quite clear that it's imperative." The voice of F.I.L.S.S. filled the room.

The Director nodded, "Tell him on my way. Agents!" He shouted grabbing their attention, "That's enough training for now. Agent Wyoming has returned and we must all be present for what he has to say." He turned and began walking to the briefing room, expecting the other agents to follow his example.

...

Once he arrived, the Councilman, Wyoming, and Florida were already present. York, North, South, and Carolina arrived afterward with Washington, Maine, and Conn-excuse me- C.T. close behind.

Getting straight to the point, The Director stated, firmly "Report."

The English Freelancer followed his example and answered, "Director: Agent Florida and myself have pinpointed their next move." He glanced at Florida before continuing, "They will meet at an abandoned multi-story parking lot."

" _With_ their secret weapon." Finished Florida, grimly.

At the mention of the "secret weapon", everyone tensed. Some were excited to finally see what it was while others didn't know what to expect.

"What are your orders Director?" Carolina asked.

The Director, with an unreadable expression on his face, stated, "Prepare yourselves. If you can, bring it in."

A chorus of "Yes sir!" followed shortly. His orders were absolute. They knew what they needed to do if they couldn't control it: complete elimination.

...

 **Rather short, I know and not much was explained but I need more time for everything to work. Expect a part 2 soon. Thanks to everyone who's read so far. I really do appreciate it. Feedback would also be appreciated... Just saying.**

 **WBXtreme234: Glad you like it! I'll try!**

 **DB-19: Yes we are! And we will get some other stuff thrown in too. Maybe even OC's.**

 **Guest: I know and he will. Just not yet. In my opinion, every cool, badass team needs at least one loose cannon. Well, too bad for Project Freelancer because they're getting the Merc with the Mouth instead.**

 **Until next time...**


	4. Update

Hello there!(I can never be Markiplier) OK, I'll cut straight to the point: I can tell that there are people who want more, as do I, but, unfortunately, I'm going to have to kindly ask those who are reading to wait a little longer. The story isn't dead, I guarantee that much, but I have studies that I need to focus on and it may take some time away from writing the story. I hope everyone can understand this, I promise I will update the first chance I get, and I am very sorry to do this. I wish it could have been different. Thanks all around to everyone who has read. It really does mean a lot to me. 'Til we meet again.

(Sidenote: I suppose you could consider Maine the loose cannon but then, there are loose cannons and then there's Deadpool...)


	5. Where to start?(Part 2)

**OH, FINALLY! AN UPDATE! I'll be honest, I've had a bit of "writer's block" in my free time. I knew what I wanted but I didn't know** ** _how_** **I wanted it to go. Even now, I'm not sure this is good enough. But alas, here we are. You know how it works: I own nothing! Here's to it not sucking. Take it away, Steve Blum narrator voice!**

Thanks, Author-Person-Sir-Ma'am-Thing!

(Might wanna play some Noir music for this first part, something with a saxophone)

This is the old, abandoned parking lot. An undisclosed location which looks really, REALLY old. Perfect place for a hangout some graffiti on the walls and plenty of space to move around and redecorate to give it some life.

Although, the three sports cars with bullet holes and blood stains and punks on the ground covered blood and food kinda detracted from the good view. Yeah, you can thank these Insurrectionist soldiers for that. To be fair, it's the mess of the kids and this is what happens when you don't clean your room: it creates a big, stinking pile of "Felix the Cat Movie". Well, nothing a little Daffodil Daydream can't fix. Heh.

Currently, these Insurrectionists, 9 in total, had parked car and motorcycle and were lounging around waiting for their dealers to make the trade. Two soldiers were standing at a lookout point waiting to spot the truck that has their new weapon.

"Hey?" asks the one on the right,

"Yeah?" responds the left one,

"Ya' ever wonder-" as he noticed something move behind one of the unused cars in the far back of the lot.

"...Do I ever wonder what?"

"Hm?" he's snapped out of his thoughts, "Oh, ya' ever wonder what the weapon is?"

"Oh, well, yeah," he answered, "I mean, I'm pretty sure no one knows what it is."

"Then, how do you think it'll help us?" asked his partner,

"Well, all this trouble in contacting and convincing them to meet with us is going have to pay off. Right?"

"Eh, I guess," he then saw headlights and used his scope to see it was the specified truck with their trade.

He placed a finger on the side of his helmet and said, "They're here." The rest of the Insurrectionists gathered round as the trailer backed up. Exiting the truck were two men with Spartan armor black with teensy bits of red on it. Trust me, it's there; I mean, you've gotta squint in their legs if you wanna see it, which I highly doubt you do. Anyways, they opened the doors to the trailer to bring down what looked like a cryochamber with a block of ice in it. Carefully bringing it the ground, they looked at one Insurrectionist (OK, that's a little long so Ah ma just call em In-soldiers) with a briefcase.

"I take it that's it?" he asked, inquisitively.

The In-soldier threw it at him and caught it with ease. He opened it and quickly closed it, pleased with what he saw. He nodded at the In-soldiers, signaling them to take their gift. Just as one made it to the left side of the chamber he was shot in the chest causing him to fall dead on the ground.

Faster than anyone could say "WHAT THE FUCK?!" the rest of the In-soldiers were shot dead. The three black armored soldiers (let's face it, no one can see the red) saw this unfold and-hold on a second, three? Weren't there just two? Sure enough, this third soldier took down grabbed the suitcase from one and used it to hit him in his face making him stagger. His partner saw and was about to assist before being grabbed from behind and slammed down to the ground revealing Agent Maine to be the attacker. Just as he recovered, the other soldier grabbed some sort of switch only to be kicked out of his hands by, once the black camouflage is down, Agent Carolina. The device fell to the ground and, surprisingly, broke apart quite easily. The other Freelancers gathered around to look at their handy work.

"Well," Washington began, "That was easy."

"It's not over yet Wash." retorted South Dakota.

Carolina walked up to the fallen soldier and pressed her foot down on his chest, disabling him from moving.

"I'm only going ask once:" she began, cutting straight to business, "Where and what is the weapon?"

The man chuckled lowly and asked, "Isn't it obvious?", hearing the smirk in his voice.

Before Carolina could do anything else, an alarming beep repeated itself and everyone turned to see the block inside was slowly melting.

 **I'm pressured for time right now so sorry if this feels rushed. Deadpool will be in the next chapter, which shouldn't take long to come. Until next time.**


	6. Chapter 6

"What's that?" Carolina asked, pushing her foot down on the soldier's chest even harder than before.

Chuckling, though wheezily, the soldier replied, "Only Weapon D.'s containment chamber malfunctioning."

He turned to his left to get a glance at the machine a few inches away from him. Said " _containment_ _chamber_ " was beeping loudly with a small red light flashing on the control panel.

Carolina bent over to get closer to his face. "What is the weapon?" she asked, growling.

The soldier turned to face her and responded in a sneering tone, "Only the last thing you'll all see." But as if he realized something, he began his head in all directions before stopping at his upper right and spotting the small switch broken.

Sighing, the soldier said sadly, "Well, fuck everything in life..."

The other Freelancers( yeah, remember them? They're still here) followed his line of sight and before anyone could ask about the device, the soldier turned back to Carolina and said in a quitting tone, "Forget what I said earlier, let me rephrase it: Weapon D. is the last thing **_we_** are going to see."

"Wow," South said, amusedly, "What is it that dropped your balls off in a few seconds?"

"Alright, ya fuckin' bitch, if you must know," the soldier started raising his voice but then calmed down to a passive aggressive voice and stated, "that device over there was the only thing that could keep Weapon D. sedated in case he get's out of line."

"What happens then?" Carolina asks.

The soldier sighs and says, "He kills everyone he sees..."

The Freelancers all stole glances from each other before soldier picked where they left off.

"And don't bother trying to stop it. Once that thing opens up, there's no reversing it. The best thing to do now is to get the hell out of here. In fact, I wanted to do that anyway."

Carolina removed her foot from his chest and brought him to his knees where she flexed her hand to Wash which told him to get some handcuffs. The soldier's hand were set down in front and he was cuffed and pushed to the side for Maine to apprehend him.

Then, Agent Washington noticed something he said.

"Wait, you said _he._ " He stated.

The soldier looked up and, after a beat, he nodded his head.

"But it's a weapon."

"...Yeah." The soldier responded.

"But, you said, "he"." The Agent pressed.

After another beat, the soldier asked slowly, "Your point?"

Before anyone could respond to that incredulous question, he exclaimed, "Oh! I see." He shrugged, casually, "Sorry, I'm just too used to looking at it that way. From what I've heard, the rest of you aren't that different."

Carolina was about to step closer to ask what that meant but suddenly-

"HI-YAH!"

The chamber door burst open because it was taking way too long to open on its own.

...

So, yeah, this where you came in. Now, I know what everyone is thinking: "that's it? there's gotta be more!" and perhaps there is but the author intentionally gave a glimpse into that before dropping subtle hints about the bigger picture going on here... but he wouldn't do that... or would he...? But I guess some of us deserve some action now. After all, it's not like that much time has passed by. ;)

Right, so what's happening? Well, Deadpool's up, killed their Freelancer's prisoner by accident after he tried to control him ( I'll leave that "accident" part to your imagination) and is currently trying to turn anything around him into sushi.

"I AM CURRENTLY TRYING TO TURN YOU INTO SUSHI!" Deadpool screamed at York and Carolina.

"Yeah! We can see that!" York exclaimed as he dodged another sword swing.

As that was going on, the other freelancers were standing around and talking (too obvious?) to each other on whether or not to help them. Particularly South and North who were standing side by side by a pillar.

"I mean, he is one guy," said South, "nothing we should worry about."

"Yeah," answered her twin brother, North, "but he has two swords and I think I state the obvious when I say "he seems to be unhinged"."

"SLICEY DICEY MICEY WICEY! OW!" Neither flinched as a sword flew and went into to the center of the pillar between the two. "STOP DODGING!" Then the other sword flew below the previous one, "DAMN YOU PAVLOV!" Finally, gunshots sounded and all was silent.

"I don't see what you're talking about." South said, breaking the silence.

York and Carolina were standing over the "dead" body of the red merc in casual stances.

"That's it?" asked York looking at Carolina, " _That_ was supposed to be their secret weapon?"

"Rather disappointing." Carolina shook her head, "If that was the best the Innies could do, we have nothing to worry about."

"Oh, really?" Both turned at the sound of the voice belonging to the soldier with Maine, "They've been avoiding you freelancers for years, you really think they would have it be this easy?"

"Well," Stated York, "I can safely say this without hesitation: _yes_." He motioned his arms beholding the "dead" body, "I mean here lies the pro- where did the dead body go?"

Carolina turned as well and soon she and her partner were back to back. The other freelancers also seemed to be on high alert, as they lost their casual stances and went on the defensive.

"Did he go into armor lock?" asked York.

"I'm pretty sure we would've noticed," Carolina answered, "did any of you see him?"

"Would you believe me if I said he just disappeared?" Wyoming, sniper rifle in hands.

"What do you mean-?"

A whistle was heard and they all turned to see Deadpool up the driveway with a rocket launcher being aimed in their direction.

"Say _cheese_ and _die!"_

...

 **Maybe this was shorter, I don't know but first thing's first: I'm sorry.**

 **I am so sorry that I didn't post this sooner but my problem is that I'm still learning how to write. I had no idea how to continue from the last chapter. But I promise I will have more in the next chapter. I find myself to be more a screenplay and dialogue writer on my better days so I'm struggling. The whole idea of this may have been to start a DP and RvB bandwagon but this story is not dead unless I say so. I'll have to work at my own pace though. Until then...**


End file.
